By Kathryn Garvin

And, apparently the thing she can't stop doing is confusing me.

I speak of course of our dear Miley.

Miley just recently released the music video for her new single "Wrecking Ball".

Short story: love the song, hate the music video.

I didn't think it was possible for her to make a music video that was somehow both more and less confusing than "We Can't Stop", but she did it. It seems she's in a competition to out-do everyone, except she's literally the only one competing and it's just happening to us.

The song starts off with her crying, and by the end of it, I'm crying too, but not for the same reasons. (By the way, she is still rocking that red lipstick.)

I will say this, it's clearly an emotional song for her. She put a lot of emotion into it, and it shows in both her words and her face. And other times, it's like "seriously, what is happening?"

I guess let's start with her outfit. 

For half the video, Miley is wearing nothing but underwear and a toddler's tank top. She has cute boots, though, which is good because she's essentially on a construction site. I've not really worked on a ton (honestly, any) real construction sites, but the times I've been to them, I've worn not only pants, but long pants, and protective eye gear. Safety first, Miley. 

For the other half, she's just wearing the boots. I don't get it, but I suspect I'm not the only one.

So, she drags this sledgehammer along a room with three walls, then as she walks away, a wrecking ball (get it?) knocks one of the walls down. Now, my dad works for a contracting company and I'm 98% positive he could probably build a house without any help, so I have the tiniest bit of knowledge about things like this, but it could also just be common sense: shouldn't you maybe not be that close to the shattering tons of cinder block??? Is that common sense? It feels like it should be common sense.

Now, she's riding the wrecking ball. Honestly, I'm so mad because you can't do that, it's not safe! But it's Miley, and she cannot be stopped, and she will not be stopped. 

A few very confusing shots follow:

Miley, possibly preparing for a hot make out sesh with a sledge hammer.

Miley, riding the wrecking ball, NAKED. 

Then, yes, she's making out with a sledge hammer. I have many thoughts about this:
  • This girl loves her tongue, but she hates it being in her mouth. 
  • You know when you hold metal hand weights, and then your hands smell like metal and feel dirty? I'm pretty sure sledge hammers are made of the same material. And she just licked one. My mouth feels disgusting just thinking about it.
  • ...Why? I...don't...why?
Again, we see clothes-less Miley on the wrecking ball, which she seems to be sexually attracted to. I understand none percent. Again, some thoughts and questions. (It should be noted, she had the sense to keep her cute boots on.)
  • Is it a thing to be sexually attracted to construction equipment? 
  • ...Isn't the metal cold on your bare butt, Miley? That can't be comfortable.
  • And, of course, why?
She's shown, several times, just laying/writhing among the shattered remains of the wall, which again, looks hella uncomfortable! And very dirty.

During the bridge of the song, though, Miley either gets real or shows us her acting chops. I gotta say, either way, I'm impressed at her ability to be that raw with her emotions, and also I want to know what kind of mascara that is, because it's barely running.

This song is pretty emotional, and the video is pretty good except I'm just not a super huge fan of making out with hammers and I don't understand the appeal of riding a wrecking ball in nothing but my birthday suit. 

Bo Burnham gave us a "raw and uncensored" (don't worry, it's safe for work or kids or whatever. Ironically, the actual video might not be) look behind the scenes. Watch it here.

And The Gregory Brothers (ya know, autotune the news...they gave us the bed intruder song, which if you haven't seen it by now, where have you been? thumbs up for justice) gave us a pretty good country version (which I love). You can watch that here.

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