Yesterday I listed to Taylor Swift's "Blank Space" approximately 5-8 times. I made my friends listen to it. I forced them as they rode in my car. Sorry, dudes. I sang it to myself in the mirror, very vainly. I watched Dax Shepard’s video of Mae Whitman dancing to it at LEAST 5 times, probably more. I watched Mae Whitman’s video of her and Dax Shepard speaking the lyrics at least 3 times. It's pretty casual how much I love this song. NO, I'M JUST KIDDING, IT'S NOT! And, this morning, Tay-Tay came and gave us a gift: The Official Music Video for Blank Space. Guys. Guys. It is goooood. I'd like to share with you my stream of consciousness thoughts on it, obviously. So first, you have to go watch the video (below) so I don't ruin it for you, or you can just read this, I'm not your mother.

It's starts off and Taylor is just casually hanging out in her French palace when a dude with hella good hair (catch that ref?) shows up in a hella nice car. Her cat looks super happy to be there, and I'm being completely honest here. Her cat seems pretty chill. Then we see that, like me, Taylor prefers to keep her horses in the bedroom instead of the stable, which sounds sexual, but isn't: there are literally horses on either side of the bed. I also thought, "Oh my God, look at that face" when I saw this dude who it a literal supermodel (from Kennesaw, Georgia! Go Dawgs). Tay's makeup game is STRONG, and her hair looks great. I need to get rich ASAP so I can pay people to do my hair and makeup. I freaking love her new hair.

So, she and this model just hang out in her MANSION, and it's all very Gatsby, right down to the tragedy, but that's coming. Casually riding bikes in the dining room while wearing high-waisted capris (ha ha ME TOO TAYLOR) followed by an afternoon of painting his portrait. All very normal stuff. And like, wow, Taylor, I really believed you when you said, "I can make the bad guys good for a weekend." Then, for the chorus, they take a quick moment to shoot a fragrance ad while walking their Dobermans, riding their horses, running through the gardens in a ball gown that costs more than my car, probably. Of course, you must hang up the portrait of your Boyf and then carve his name in a tree. Are you sure those are the best shorts to wear horseback riding, Taylor? Where do you find these things, Taylor? I need to get rich ASAP so people can dress me.

The fairytale continues with another day at the palace, another picnic on the lawns, but only heart-shaped foods allowed! (Duh!) Then there's a shot of her looking off a balcony, and I'm not saying it's Versailles, but it looks a lot like Versailles. But, oh no, who is he texting? Then the tables turn (literally wasn't even trying that time, guys). And they're fighting, and Taylor looks legitimately crazy, and I'm wondering if this isn't an actual plot to a book I read in 9th grade but just didn't understand. And then she grabs his face like she's going to RIP IT OFF and tells him "Darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream" and I'm like "YES."

What do we all do after we have a fight with our supermodel boyfriend? Sit weeping by the fireplace in cheetah print while our pet deer stands behind us, obviously. Then, stab the portrait we painted earlier, because APPARENTLY we're so good at portraiture/so insane that we just literally don't care about all the time that took. Also, Taylor for the Oscar, because her face when she says "They'll tell you I'm insane" is AMAZING. Next thing you know, she's Regina George’d his shirt and is tossing his flaming sports coat off her balcony.

For the bridge, she's got a voodoo apple, I guess? I'm not sure if it's a voodoo apple, a poison apple, or both? Again, that makeup game is STRONG. You know...boys only want love if it's torture. We take a tour of the portraits of her ex-lovers and, wow, looks like she's doing SUPER well. And then she takes a golf club to his VERY NICE CAR and I wonder how they did this for the music video and I hope and pray that it's not a real old car, but just a replica. Then your general breakup imagery, what with stabbing a cake in the shape of a heart and some sort of blood coming out, chopping down the tree into which you carved your name, like, ya know, normal stuff. Finally, he like gets the hell out of these, and immediately, in drives a new dude. Like, sorry dude, you should probably get out, she's actually insane.

Taylor does a WONDERFUL job of coming off completely and totally insane. It's shot super beautifully by director Joseph Kahn, who did a great job capturing the insanity. There were moments when I was watching the video where I forgot it was a music video and not a movie. It's always disappointing when a music video doesn't live up to your love for the song (I'm looking at you, Paradise by Coldplay), but Taylor does not disappoint. It should also be noted that Taylor in the second half = me when I'm hangry. I watched the video about three times while writing this, and I think, I think, I'm almost tired of it. NOT YET THO! All in all, five stars, would recommend.

Teach me how to get those winged-tipped eyes, Taylor!

No comments: